Send Harriet your most pressing questions!

Harriet Cannon, M.C. is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Consultant with over 20 years experience specializing in working with clients in life transitions; career, international relocation, bicultural and multicultural relationships and family issues.

Ms Cannon has lived and worked in the United States and internationally for both the American Foreign Service and Puente Bretagna, a Chilean group of psychologists and Psychiatrists.

Currently Harriet Cannon has her counseling and consulting office in Seattle, Washington. She consults throughout the Puget Sound to groups, international organizations and businesses. Most recently Ms Cannon was invited to present her research on the life stories of multicultural mothers and daughters at the International Family Therapy Conference in Washington DC in June 2005.

For more information visit Harriet’s web site at www.harrietcannon.com

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September/October Ask Harriet:

Daycare Concerns
In-law Struggles

Daycare Concerns :

Q: My 1 year old son and 4 year old daughter are in a Day Care four days a week where only English is spoken. The Day Care is excellent so I am reticent to move the children even though it is affecting the vocabulary of their French which we speak at home. Do you have any suggestions?

A: It sounds like you are encountering the nemesis of the bicultural, bilingual couple raising bilingual children; what to do about the impact of Day Care on your first language. On an emotional level this is stressful for parents. The fear is children your will have less facility in your language as well as less loyalty to their cultural roots. This fear has some basis in reality which requires a strategy on the part of parents. It is essential to find fun concrete ways to support your French language through games, music, connections with French culture and language wherever you can find it outside the home. Fill your home with French influence and keep it light. Your children will be growing up with a bicultural identity. They will identify themselves as “American” more strongly as they get into grade school. Your attitude about being “French-American” should be positive. You will have to cope with your feelings about your children becoming more “American” than French. Avoid criticizing them for their “American” ways. That strategy will backfire and cause unnecessary conflict. Talking with other international parents and joining organizations such as BBFN will support you so you can support your children in their evolution as bicultural citizens.

In-Law Struggles:

Q: My in laws are coming from India for a month long visit. They love my husband and have grown to accept me but they are not tolerant of US culture and many of the ways we are raising our 3 and 6 year old children. Additionally they are wealthy and accustomed to a life style we do not live. Every year when they come to visit more tension is growing as I feel their judgment on intergenerational expectations.

A: It is common for tension to grow between relatives who live outside the US to feel more judgmental as they see their grandchildren growing beyond the universal behaviors of toddler-hood into “foreign” children. The development into children who resonate to a different culture is a reality check that is unsettling. Out of fear, the grandparents tend to go towards blaming the in-law and the children for being wrong and different. Some grandparents can discuss this openly and some cannot. Try bringing it up gently and if they resist drop the subject for this visit. Do prepare your children by talking about differences and how their grandparents may feel ‘out of the loop” in how things happen in the US. School them on the manners they will need for the visit. Not only will this help for future trips to India but it will please the grandparents and increase the bond. You and your spouse can also strategize on affordable ways to do some special things your in-laws would enjoy which honor those things which are important to them. Remember, often a large part of grandparents’ “complaints” about how you are raising your children is a response to their fear they will loose a cultural connection with their grandchildren. The older your children get, the more your can and should talk directly and clearly about how culture is also a connection of the heart with relatives who live overseas. It is worth the effort to keep the cultural connection.

Read more Ask Harriet HERE.

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