Living Abroad: 13 Ways to Optimize Your Experience  Before we make choices in life, we examine our different options. For example, when we decide upon a daycare for our children, we visit the home or center, get to know the providers and do our best to get a feel for the place and the people. We might contact the local licensing authorities to verify that everything is up-to-date. But ultimately our decision on whether a daycare is right or not for our children is based on whether it is a “good match” for everyone involved.
When we make the giant step of moving to another country, we often overlook the steps necessary to ensure a country, city and neighborhood is a “good match” for our family.
Here are 13 items to consider before you decide on a location:
• Climate: Why is it that many of us think we can live in any climate? At least for the majority of us, if we've spent most of our lives in a sunny climate, moving to a cold, damp, foggy climate is going to take its toll on us, especially at the beginning. And vice versa for those who grew up in places like the Pacific Northwest. Without a doubt we will need to give ourselves time to acclimate to a new climate and should brainstorm ways ahead of time as to how we can best deal with it. For example, many people who have difficulties in the winter months in the northern climates have special lamps at home for the dark winter months. Or if they can afford it they travel to sunny locations as much as possible to keep their spirits up.
• Size: A small, quaint village in the south of France may seem stunningly appealing when we view it via the internet at home but even it could pose possible problems. If you are someone who enjoys the anonymity and/or bustling of a bigger city, a smaller town may not be the right place for you. On the other hand, if you are used to a small village where everyone knows each other by name, you might feel lost and hopeless in a big city. Another issue to think about with city size is the type of dwelling options. To live in a big city you may need to live in an apartment which might be much smaller than what you are used to and ultimately might even be quite expensive.
• Politics: By this I suggest that you should at least spend some time figuring out the general political leanings of the people living in the country, city and even neighborhood to which you are thinking of moving. If you consider yourself a staunch “conservative” then moving to a “liberal” neighborhood might drive you crazy every time you converse with your neighbors or go shopping in the local market. It doesn't mean you wouldn't do just fine in such a neighborhood but you might want to consider this issue head of time to make sure you wouldn't mind being the “odd one out”.
• Religion: Do you consider yourself fairly religious? Does the thought of moving to a country where very few people practice your religion concern you? Depending on how important this issue is for you, it might make sense to examine this honestly before making any decisions on a location. Visualize yourself in the other country and make sure you feel alright with the kinds of questions that people might ask and the possible small number of places for worship. For many, their religion is such an integral part of who they are it could possibly mean leaving an important part of themselves behind.
• Friends and Family: Can you imagine being away from friends and family for an extended period of time? Some of us thrive on this thought - we have the chance to spend part of our life away from the discerning eye of those who have known us from childhood. Others can't fathom spending more than a few days away from friends and family. If you are the latter, start by making sure you are ready to move to another country in the first place. And if so, start brainstorming ideas on how you can best keep in touch. Perhaps you have a pattern of drinking coffee with your best friend or extended family member on Saturday afternoons? Would talking on the telephone each Saturday with a mug of coffee in hand minimize the pain of the separation? Is it possible that family and friends can visit a few times a year and vice versa? And don't forget about sending emails and, of course, instant messaging and video conferencing… who said they were only for kids and professionals?
• Job Market: Are you or your spouse moving to another location to start a new job? Make sure you are clear on what the job market is like in the target country and city. What would happen if you or your spouse were to lose that job? Would you feel fine with having to move back from where you just left or would you most likely be able to find other jobs in the same location? What about your spouse? Will your spouse have a work visa? If so, are there jobs for him/her in case he/she decides to work? If companies are letting go of workers in the location to which you are planning on moving, you might want to be prepared for the worst, just in case. And don't forget to consider your visa status. If your visa is tied to a specific company you might be in a difficult situation if they let you go.
• Standard of Living: Will your salary cover your expenses? A high salary in one location won't even be able to pay your rent in another location. Make sure that you are realistic about what it will cost to live in your target location and that your salary will cover these expenses. Write down all of the expenses you believe you will have, especially those that you may not have in your present country. For example, most people in the US need to have a car. Make sure to add that to your expenses (cost of car, insurance, maintenance, gasoline and oil, etc.). Car insurance itself might pose an issue since you won't have a driving record in your target location - what will you need to get insurance? Make sure to check out these issues ahead of time to minimize unfortunate surprises. Ask around to find out what people recommend.
• Cultural Diversity: Are you comfortable living in an area where there is very little cultural diversity? What if you are the only foreigner in the whole town? Would you enjoy taking on this role and answering the questions that might come up? Or would this make you feel uncomfortable? If you move to a bigger city with a fairly diverse crowd, then the fact that you come from a different culture will probably blend into the mix of cultures fairly seamlessly. This in turn may very well mean that you won't get any special treatment and will have to forage ahead with little help. You may even have to deal with being “look down” upon by some.
• Public Transportation: Are you used to riding your bicycle or bus everywhere? Are you dead-set on not purchasing a car? Make sure that you are realistic about the city's degree of public transportation and whether it will truly work for you. Just because there is a bus system doesn't mean it will adequately meet your needs if you have to live on the outskirts of town. If you plan on riding your bicycle everywhere, make sure to find out how “bicycle-friendly” the city is and make sure you have a bicycle that will work with the location's terrain.
• Schools: What are the schools like in your target location? If your children are used to small, individualized classes, then putting them into large classes, together with possibly having to speak a new language every day and learning about a new culture, just might push them toward frustration. If you haven't yet found a neighborhood where you'd like to live, you might want to make a decision on neighborhood based on the choice of school. Once you have decided on a location, prepare your children mentally for the big change. Especially if it is a country where a different language is spoken, make sure you know what resources are available for helping with the transition. Maybe children in some of the target location schools can send your children postcards or emails to ease the transition?
• Shopping: Are you used to making your favorite food each week which contains an ingredient that won't be available in your target country or city? If you feel that food and other products are essential for your enjoyment in your target country then do some research ahead of time to locate specialty stores that might carry desired products. Can you purchase these items via the internet? It isn't always the case but the chances are higher that you will find what you are looking for in a bigger city vs. a smaller village.
• Travel: How easy will it be to travel to and from your target city? If your family and friends want to visit you but they have to change planes three times and then rent a car and drive for half an hour, you probably won't get a ton of visitors. You might not even feel like traveling too far yourself. Of course, if you live in a gorgeous location, your family and friends just might be swayed to endure the long trip. Or perhaps you are considering moving to a town that most feel has little to offer visitors? Make sure to consider these issues before making any decisions so that later you don't feel resentment toward family and friends who don't make it out to visit. You can even ask them in advance what their feelings are about visiting you in a given location before you even head out.
• Extracurricular Activities: Do you sustain yourself with frequent visits to the opera? Zoo? Aquarium? Mmuseums? Are you willing to forgo that for life in a smaller city with possibly long walks in nature as replacement for your entertainment? What if you are used to checking out the most current DVDs or going to the movie theater on a regular basis… can you live without that? Are you part of a soccer club for your social and physical involvement? It is possible that they won't have the same athletic clubs and activities and that you'll have to find something else. Do as much research as possible ahead of time so that when you arrive you are not only prepared for what is missing but possibly will have found something to replace it.
Moving to a new country can be one of our most exhilarating and life-altering experiences. It can also be a burden and create spousal and familial resentments if we aren't ready for what is coming and haven't thought through everything thoroughly. We should do our best to separate out the different elements ahead of time to figure out what will and what won't work for us. Take time to examine your likes, dislikes and needs to determine what brings you joy in life and what things you just don't want to live without. It isn't always a matter of being able to change or adapt. Some things are just so important and integral to who we are that we can't ignore them and doing so often means having to face and accept difficult and painful consequences.
Once we are living in our new country, we should also remember to give ourselves time to adapt and acclimate. The little things are what slowly grate on our nerves. Take time to review again which things have meaning to you and to see if you can add more of those into your life to offset the frustrating elements. Be creative. Drill down into each issue to find the core issues and then brainstorm ways to work through them.
Try to remember to pick your battles. If the way the toilet flushes or the way the windows open or even the size of the socket frustrates you to no end, try to remember that there are much bigger issues out there. These little issues just aren't worth it.
Before making any major changes, try going through the list above to figure out which needs aren't being met. Try your best to separate out the things that annoy you from the country itself and the people as a whole. Making blanket statements and attacks on others in an attempt to solve the problem will most likely backfire and only create more resentment. If you find yourself complaining about every little issue then you definitely need to take a “time out”. Find ways to take some time for yourself or together with your spouse or friends to clear your mind. Once you can think clearly, try to narrow down your frustrations to specific elements and then to work on brainstorming ways to resolve them.
If in the end, if you are simply unhappy living in a location then at least you will have tried everything you could to resolve it before making any major changes. Remember that you are only human! Give yourself credit for having taken the leap to live in a new country in the first place!
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