The Wonderful World of Third Culture Kids

followed by Where is Home?

By Alice Lapuerta

Are you a third culture kid?
“Did you live abroad for a longer period of time when you were a child or a teenager?”

“Are you a multilingual who has learned various languages with ease as you moved from country to country, discarding and picking up languages as you move?”

“Do you have a problem with the question “Where are you from?” and find that you usually embark on a lengthy description of your life, instead of giving a one-word answer?”

“Do you adapt easily and with enthusiasm to other cultures, yet feel you are not really at home anywhere?”

“Do you feel more comfortable hanging out with an international crowd or with people who have lived overseas because “they understand you better” than with people who’ve lived in one place their whole lives?”

“Are you constantly yearning for home, yet when you are there, you suddenly feel like leaving again?”

“If you are in your “home” country and you hear the sound of another language, are you secretly delighted and do you want to get closer to hear it better?”

“Do you cling to your multiple identities and like to switch nationalities and patriotic affiliations depending on where you live?”

“Do you sometimes feel sad because you never really seem to “belong” anywhere?”

If you’ve answered “yes” to some or even all questions above,
you are probably a Third Culture Kid!

Who are Third Culture Kids?

Moving abroad and living outside of our “home” culture for a while is, in our increasingly globalizing world, no longer unusual. Out of this experience rises a group of people who are rooted not only in one culture, but in several. Third Culture Kids, or TCKs, spend a considerable part of their childhood abroad. They may be children of diplomats, business people, military or missionary children, children of expatriates or intercultural couples. They are people who grew up in a cross-cultural environment, and who are accustomed to moving between two or more cultural spheres. Dr.Ruth Hill Useem, who first coined the term, defines TCKs as “children who accompany their parents into another society” (1993), stressing the notion of mobility and cross-cultural interaction.

Where does the phrase “third culture” come from?

One way of explaining it is as follows:

Our first culture is the culture of origin, the country where we came from.
The second culture, the host culture, is the one where we currently live.
The third culture is that mix of cultures which defines who we are.

In addition to wherever our origin is- a little Japanese, Dutch, American, Australian – we integrate random habits, bits and pieces of traditions, cultures and ways of thinking that we have picked up from the countries where we have lived, which, in total, shapes our third culture identity. This may not be as clear-cut and straightforward for every TCK, and indeed every TCK will experience his or her own entirely individual mix of cultures. Many TCKs will also find that their first culture, “where we came from,” is not at all easy to define, especially if they come from an intercultural marriage.

Yet what all TCKs share is a background of mobility, an intercultural world view, the ability to adapt with ease to diverse cultures and situations. This experience, this common “culture” is what bonds them together. They may not always feel comfortable with people who have only lived in one place. They feel immediately at home in a diverse, international crowd. The merrier the better! TCKs cling to their mixed cultural make-up because this is who they are. Not just “American” or “Norwegian” – but both. Sometimes they like to switch, when in America they are Norwegian, when in Norway they are American. This can be intentional because of an attempt to desperately cling to the other cultural half. Sometimes they refuse to attach a label to themselves altogether. Sometimes, but not always, this can result in sadness, isolation, and the frustrated feeling of never belonging anywhere.

“Where are you from?” and “Where is home?”

To many TCKs, the notions of identity, as well as “home,” are truly complicated. Many TCK’s may never have actually lived at “home”, if we define “home” where the parents grew up prior to becoming expatriates. The dreaded question of “Where are you from?” therefore, may seriously annoy, embarrass, or bore us. Many of us delve immediately into a long-winded autobiographical anecdote: “I am half Japanese, half British, grew up in Australia but am currently living in France, but not for long, we are about to move to Finland.” Other people may reply to the question “Where are you from” with “When?” Yet again others, especially children, may simply reply with a shrug: “I don’t know.”

Returning home, TCKs may come to realize that they don’t belong there, or don’t really seem to fit in. Upon returning home, they often experience reverse culture shock. Finally at home, they may discover that this is the least place where they want to be, suddenly yearning to leave again, wanting to explore new horizons, new cultures.
For adults, the question of identity and home might not be as pressing as it was during puberty. Yet to many it is a question that they deal with the rest of their lives. To some, it may seem like a perpetual grail quest. Others find contentment in the notion that home is where they are now, where their friends and family are. Home may become a mobile concept, no longer a static concept rooted to one place. Or they may have found contentment in the notion that as citizens of the world, it is ok not to belong anywhere in specific.

At the heart of the TCK-experience is Multilingualism.

Multilingualism is another factor which all TCKs share. Moving from culture to culture, children pick up the language of the respective country with ease. These languages can be discarded as easily as they are picked up, according to the principle easy come-easy go. You speak French at home, Korean because you went to a Korean kindergarten, English because you went to an International School, and Portugese because you lived in Brasil. Several years later you moved to Indonesia. Suddenly, you seem to have “forgotten” Portugese, and since you moved to Indonesia you’ve become fluent in Indonesian instead. Juggling with various languages, therefore, is at the core of every TCK’s experience.

Mostly, you are aware of the advantages and proud of your language skills. Often TCKs are perfectly fluent in two or more languages. Yet in frustrated moments sometimes, you seem to think you know only fragments of each, and those spoken with an accent. Sometimes you speak fluently, but seem to lack the ability to read or write properly in a certain language.

TCKs need to remind themselves that it is not the perfect mastery of a language that counts. Their linguistic versatility and ability to pull out languages swiftly as the situation requires is extremely valuable, too.

Switching languages becomes a part of the social chameleon game that TCKs often enjoy playing. When wanting to blend in or pass as a foreigner, you may switch languages. Sometimes it flatters you to be mistaken as a foreigner at home. Sometimes it frustrates and annoys you to be mistaken for an immigrant. Abroad again, you prefer to speak German in public. When you hear a group of Spanish-speaking people you feel tempted to address them in Spanish. And you are always delighted when, at home, you hear a foreign language that you recognize.

All in all: is this good or bad?

While there is certainly a negative side such as a sense of rootlessness and loneliness that some TCKs may battle with throughout their lives, if given the choice, most of them wouldn’t have it any other way. When looking at the positives, TCKs are certainly a very privileged, even elite group who often take their easy adaptability to different cultures and situations for granted. TCKs are the embodiments of a global collection of cultures, ideas, languages and skills. With their global world view and international understanding they are capable of transcending prejudices and biases. Moving from culture to culture, TCKs are the glue that holds the world together.

Third Culture Kids References:

PAPERS:

Hill Useem, Ruth. “Third Culture Kids: Focus of Major Study – TCK “mother” pens history of field”, Newspaper of International Schools Services. Jan. XII (1993) Princeton, NJ.
www.tckworld.com/

WEBSITES:

TCK World: www.tckworld.com
Children of the Wind: www.windchild.co.uk
Interaction Inc: tckinteract.net
Families in Global Transition:
www.incengine.org/incEngine?&content=&store=figt

BOOKS:

Blohm Judith. Where in the World are you Going? Intercultural Press, 1996.

Mcclusky, Karen Curnow, ed. Notes from a Traveling Childhood. Foreign Service Youth Foundation, 1994.

Pascoe, Robin. Raising Global Nomads: Parenting Abroad in an On-demand World. Expatriate Press Ltd, 2006.

Pollock, David C. and Ruth E. Van Reken. The Third Culture Kid Experience. Nicholas Brealey Publishing, 2001.

Roman, Beverly D. Footsteps around the World: Relocation tips for Teens. Anchor Publishing, 2005.

Storti, Craig. The Art of Coming Home. Intercultural Press, 2001.

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Alice Lapuerta is an adult Third Culture Kid only now coming to terms with the fact that “home” isn’t always where she thought it was.
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Where is Home?

From a specific locality in time and space to an abstract concept that eludes any kind of definition. What is home? And where is it? Here are some Adult TCKs answers to this deceptively simple, yet often baffling question.

Dinka

Defining “home” in the traditional sense (one certain place, one language, one group of people) is not possible for me, I’ve concluded. It would mean that I’d have to be dishonest about who I am by denying parts of it. I call three countries “home” for several reasons, although I prefer to regard the meaning of home in the emotional sense as mostly pertaining to people. What I’m trying to say is that I feel most at home with my family and friends, regardless of where they are and if I’m with them every day. I feel attached to places too, but not to the point where I wouldn’t be able to leave any of them.

Dinka.
Parents’ nationality: Croatian
Countries (lived +12 months): Croatia, Austria, Spain, currently living in the U.S.A

Mike

Home isn’t necessarily where the heart is. Because the heart is fickle and tends to cling to the past. A past scattered throughout many countries and places. Maybe the heart is seduced by a specific culture of preference, a country, or a people. But that isn’t home. Those are memories. A child simply wants to cling to what they know, a feeling of belonging, a sense of security, which can be found in memories and nostalgia. That isn’t home; it’s the illusion of home.

So where is home? Home is where you belong. Someone told me a story about a man who was in a coma for many years, and he woke up to find everyone he knew has died. He was home, but no one recognised him. “Give me friends, or give me death”, he said. In the end, I’m not sure it matters where you live, as long as you have a home. Which can be found in the people you surround yourself with - your family, your friends, and a community who shares your values. That is home.

Mike.
Parents: France/Ethiopia/Vietnam/Morocco
Countries lived +12 months: France, Reunion, Mayotte, Canada, England.

Preyanka

Like many TCK’s, I am not really sure where home is. Is it Colorado, where I now live, India, where I was born, or Vietnam, where I grew up? Over the years, I’ve come to realize that I feel most at “home” when I’m with other TCKs and expats. Home, therefore, is not so much a place, but the sense of belonging I feel when I’m around people who understand me. Unfortunately, finding other TCKs can be a difficult because, well, we have no distinguishing marks! This is why blogging (preya.blogspot.com) has come to mean so much to me. Through writing about my experiences, I’ve met so many other TCKs with whom, despite our varied upbringings, I feel l can relate. It’s uplifting to get comments and emails from people from all over the world, to feel connected and to help, even if in a very small way, unite a group of people who are often erroneously thought of as “rootless” and “identity-less.”

Preyanka.
Parents: Indian, American
Countries: India, Thailand, Vietnam, currently living in U.S.A.

Barbara

Obviously the physicality of my home is where my parents are, and it would be weird to call anything but Slovenia my home, but I don’t really feel it’s my home at all! Home should be some place where you would consider staying longer shouldn’t it? Because home is where you feel comfortable and that’s not the case with me! The consequence of having lived in Kuwait as a child is that I DO NOT have a home! I feel rootless and I am still trying to find a place that I would like to call home. Austria is obviously not going to be it. After 12 years here I still don’t feel at home. I must say I felt more at home in Kuwait than anywhere else. I’m afflicted with rootlessness ever since we moved to Kuwait.

Barbara.
Parents: Slovenian
Countries: Slovenia, Kuwait, currently living in Austria

Jan

My definition of home? It is basically where my parents live. That used to be India, then it was Bangkok and now they live in Kuala Lumpur. So whenever I fly “home”, I fly to Kuala Lumpur. However the place that I am most tied to is Vienna, the place where I was born and raised, and where I spent my childhood. After that I lived in New Delhi, which I could regard as my second home. But I feel comfortable wherever, be it in Japan, the United States, London, Paris, Berlin, etc.

Jan.
Parents: Japanese, Polish
Countries: Germany, U.S.A, Thailand, Malaysia, India, currently living in Austria

Lorraine

People think I should feel uprooted or insecure, but I really don’t. I feel like every experience and environment has given me a facet to my personality that I couldn’t have found anywhere else. I love each of those places, and home is as much in my memories as a real place. I feel like I’m lucky to have as many homes as countries I’ve lived in, with loved ones and friends in each. And thanks to the virtual world, I can keep in contact with them all and can visit them when we travel on holiday! When I say the word “home” though, the place that springs to mind is my grandparents’ house in Normandy, which has always been the idealised image of what home should be in my mind - it’s been permanent all through my childhood (one of the rare places that was!), and it’s a place where our huge and loving extended family gathers regularly, even now, for celebrations of all kinds. It’s home from the spider-webs in the “mouse room” in the attic (the mouse-infested bedroom!) down to the marvellous old tiles on the farmhouse floor.

Lorraine.
Parents: France, England
Countries: England, Egypt, Ivory Coast, Benin, USA, Taiwan and now “settled” - permanently? surely not! - in France

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