Read a few of the stories that inspired the essay "Accenting Your Love Life":

Chiri's Story

Where your work takes you to other countries, romantic accidents can happen. Like English teaching abroad, the international development sector is full of cross-continental partnerships. I fell into one myself, after several years of regular travel to third world countries as part of my job, in my third visit to the Dominican Republic in March 1998.   Before this particular visit, I was on the phone to the office manager discussing the details of the trip. She teased me, as was her habit - "I've got just the photographer for you. You'll love him. He's travelled all over, was a war correspondent in Central America , and isn't one of these prima-donnas - he'll just as easily sleep under a tree as in a 5 star hotel. He'll probably take you dancing, too". I laughed her off, because I was used to her mischief.   Anyway, I arrived in the country and got to work, with this photographer as part of the team. At first, he seemed intent on ruffling my professional reserve by giving me random compliments and picking wild flowers and handing them to me. In his more serious moments we found we had quite a lot in common, and became good friends.   Later that same year he got on a plane and visited me in England , and we embarked on a long-distance relationship. A year later we decided it was time to make or break. Long distance relationships are too stressful and one of us had to make the move. I was delighted at the chance to live in the DR anyway. I got myself another job there, and moved in August 1999. We got married soon after, honeymooned in Cuba , and Lucas was born the following year.

Claudia's Story

I'm Mexican and met my English husband while we were working in the US as part of a cultural representative program. This means that our sponsor organizes work permits, accomodation and all those things and we get to work in the US for a year, meet people from all over the world and gather amazing memories. We all live together in apartment complexes where you share with others from different countries.   Anyway, I met David through a common friend at the pool shortly after I arrived in Florida . Initially I thought that David was interested in Alison (my friend) as he kept insisting that we go out all the time and Ali always wanted me to be there. I reasoned that she also knew he was interested in her but as she had a boyfriend back home, I was invited to tag along as some sort of chaperone. Besides, I was meeting so many new friends at the time that love was the furthest thing from my mind. I did notice that I liked him a lot (and was always "bumping" into him at the pool, at work, etc) but never thought he was interested in being more than friends. That is, until the day when he bought a Michael Jackson CD and had nowhere to play it - but I had a CD player in my room so invited him over. We heard the 2-disc album at least twice that night, went to sleep at about 3am and talked about everything. We have been inseparable since... until the time came for us to go home, about 9 months later.   I went back to Mexico and David came to visit me just before heading back to the UK (his contract was a bit longer than mine). The plan was then for me to travel to the UK in a few months' time, which I did, but for many and boring and complex reasons, UK immigration did not allow me to enter the country so I saw David for about 30 minutes before being walked back to a plane and back home. I was not allowed to enter the UK for at least a year "unless my circumstances changed". So David came to visit a few months later but by then the toll of long distance relationships was starting to show... it was unfair for him to have to keep traveling to me and the phone calls were getting expensive! So we did the sensible thing and changed my circumstances - we got married a few months after (april 1997) and I've been living in the UK since! We now have a little boy who is nearly 2 and a half and things couldn't be better.   True love knows no bounds!

Katie's Story

I first met Henrik through mutual friends. He was the friend of one of my girlfriend's partners. As he was married with a toddler, I didn't consider the possibility of getting together with him. Instead, I “admired him from afar”. At the time he was working for the Danish embassy in London and flying back and forth on the weekends(!) while I was a finalist at university.   Fast forward a year: he was recently separated and we met “for real” at our mutual friends' wedding. He was the best man and I was a bridesmaid. Throughout the practice and the wedding ceremony we never kept our eyes off each other. Looking back, we realized it was a build up for all those feelings we couldn't have acted on earlier. By the time we were at the wedding reception we'd had totally forgotten our duties to the bride and groom. We stayed together for a few months after that until Henrik decided that it was time to be an active Dad to Jens and returned to Denmark . We both knew that it was the real thing by then and spent the next 3 years in a very long distance relationship. As he finalized his divorce, I attempted to move to Denmark . The air miles we racked up were enough for a trip to Canada and to see my Japanese summer college buddies!   Once all the formalities were sorted and I had moved in with him in Denmark he proposed whilst walking the dog in Tivoli Park in Copenhagen . After a 5 hour delayed flight the last thing I wanted to at the time was walk the dog!   Just under a year later our mutual friends got to return the favour and be our joint best man (along with Jens) and bridesmaid. Looking back I see all those obstacles we got over together and I know that it was the second best wedding I've ever been to 6 years ago :) Oddly enough, I didn't catch the bride's flowers.

Heidi's Story

I (Danish) met Frank (Irish) in 1984 in Erfurt , East Germany , on a course in German linguistics and East German Landeskunde. I hope I don't insult anybody by saying that the courses included a certain amount of East German propaganda too! :-) Anyhow, most of us were in our early twenties and the atmosphere among us and the East German students who helped us during our stay was very "international" and open-discussion minded.   It was a three-week course and although I had noticed the 2-3 Irish participants, before the last weekend of the course I hadn't spoken to Frank at all, though my friend and fellow student had - she was more outgoing than I was and had got together with a small group of Irish, Danish, Finnish, Italian and East German students. One of the East German guys invited this group to a village party in his home town of Wipperdorf , not too far from Erfurt . My friend urged me to come along too. So off we went, stayed with the local East Germans on their farms for the weekend, and joined in the village party on the Saturday evening, a jolly affair with free-flowing (if a bit thin!) beer, rather old-fashioned music and coloured lights. We "westerners" were having a great time and got the dance floor going with a rather different style than the middle-aged East Germans from Wipperdorf. At some stage Frank (who later claimed he had had his eyes on me during the entire course) got me up to dance. When we walked home that night during the fields in complete darkness (except for the stars) I showed him all the constellations (a hobby of mine) and we talked and held hands (need I say more....?) I was completely innocent (yes, at twenty!) and the next morning, I was sure that I had dreamt it all and did my best to erase everything from my memory. But Frank showed up again, we went for another walk in the fields - and we haven't looked back since.   After the course, Frank had to go back to Ireland to start a new teaching job (he had just finished his degree). I had two more years of study to complete, so we spent the next two years on the phone to each other every second day, writing love letters by the thousands.... When the two years were up, I left for Ireland but didn't get on too well there. Frank was working in a small town about 200 miles south of Dublin while I had various temporary jobs in Dublin . I had planned on getting myself an apartment but I ended up staying with Frank's parents, my future in-laws. In retrospect this was great because I ended up having a very close relationship with them - almost like a second set of parents - and this has lasted until this day. After a year like that, we decided to try our luck in Denmark . That was in 1987. In 1988 we got married - and here we are, 18 years later, with two gorgeous unbalanced bilingual kids! :-)

Clo's Story
Love-struck at the technical desk: the sparkle of a euro-romance

In April 2000 I attended a major industry trade show in Cannes, France . As I was the exhibition/events person responsible for my Rome (Italy) based company, I arrived a few days earlier to supervise the building up of the stand and other logistical aspects.

On the second day I got a call from the organizers at 7:00 am , informing me that during the night some of our high-tech equipment had been stolen from the stand, despite the fact that we had hired a security guard. I could not believe my ears! My heart began racing: we needed to replace several 42” plasma screens within the day (and it was a Sunday), contact the insurance company, and announce the bad news to my boss…I opened the window of my hotel room to get some fresh air, and to top it all, a huge storm was devastating the coast line. I felt so miserable! I threw on the first clothes I could grab and ran to the Palais de Festival, to take care of the situation. I got drenched on the way there.

Upon arrival, I was told to go and sort it out with the clerk at the technical desk. There was already quite a line of steaming clients, fellow exhibitors from all over the world, each with a similar problem to solve. The angry tones were rising, horrible threats and swear words were echoing in French and English, I was mentally preparing my own share of yelling and was getting all worked up with rage. That is when I suddenly noticed the person in front of me…

A tall, dark-hair guy in his early 30's, with a three-day unshaven beard…but that I discovered afterwards, the first 5 minutes of my view of this man were actually of his back and behind! And yet there was something incredibly attractive in his figure, in his demeanor.

He was wearing a pair of green corduroys and a matching casual chic woolen sweater. He must have felt my insistent look on him, as he eventually, casually turned around, as if to vaguely check out the surroundings. He looked very handsome and had such a peaceful aura, such a contrast with the exasperating situation I was living through!

I was single at the time and I remember thinking, “This is exactly the type of guy I should be with…he looks like such a nice guy. I'm sure he's married, or at least engaged…”

He turned around a few more times and I discovered later that, despite my messy and frightening appearance, the attraction had been reciprocal from the very first look, and he was trying to read my name on my badge, which was hanging upside down on my drenched jeans jacket.

A few days later we ran into each other at a party, exchanged small talk and business cards; then secretly researched each other's companies and identities, found out we had few business contacts in common and, by the end of the week, we managed to get both invited at the same dinner party! That night (I looked much better than the first day!) we talked a lot and truly connected, it was love!

He was a “Belgianite” (as Woody Allen says in the movie “Small Time Crooks”), living in Brussels . I was an Italian living in Rome after having just returned from a long sojourn in the US . The romance commenced, despite the odds. The distance was challenging, however back then Europe became our playground. We were both working internationally and were traveling all the time. He visited me in Rome soon after our meeting, and definitely surrendered to Rome's (and my!) charm! We began combining personal and professional trips, meeting as often as we could all over Europe: Paris, Amsterdam, Nice, Positano, Barcelona, with several stops in Rome and Brussels, of course. It was a very exciting time!

After about a year we started seriously considering moving forward with our relationship. We both tried finding jobs in each other's city, but fate was not in our favor: it did not work. We then elected Paris as a fair middle ground destination: equally close to each other's families, and cosmopolitan enough to provide international professional opportunities in our respective fields. Within six months, I managed to get a job and move to Paris. He joined a Paris based company at the same time, which, however, needed him in the Benelux region…so we'd see each other only on weekends. It was already a huge step forward, as we finally gained a certain regularity. After so much traveling around, we were both craving a simpler life: going grocery shopping together, instead of catching taxis and airplanes.

A year later he finally managed to be based in Paris and shortly after I got pregnant with our first child. So, in total, it took us three and a half years to live together normally as a couple. It was often hard…the geographical distance enhances feelings and emotions, but can create also misunderstandings, emotional distance, stir doubts, let space open for temptation…I often think back at those days and it seems like an eternity. All the partings, all the hear-breaking goodbyes we had in so many places…I could not bare it any longer, I don't know how we could stand it! I guess the vision of what our life together could have been was a very motivating factor and, in the end, love won!

Certainly, what had started out as pretty miserable day that April 9, 2000 , turned out to be the best day in my life! And so our anniversary remains April 9, the day we first laid eyes on each other at the technical desk in Cannes !

Alice's Story

We were both international students, my husband and I, when we first met. I was from Austria , he from Ecuador , and we met in the U.S. during our graduate studies. You already have a lot in common with each other by just coming from a foreign country. Together, you struggle through the bureaucratic system, support each other in finding lodging, and help each other decode strange American expressions and customs. Only another foreign student can understand how embarrassed you are when you have a problem with ordering a hamburger at McDonald's. When the lady snaps impatiently: “To go?” for the tenth time and you still don't understand what on earth she just said. From the look on her face you realize that your response of “Who goes?” is probably not correct. Only another foreign student will completely sympathize and reply something along the lines of: “Something similar happened to me the other day…” The bonding is almost immediate.

My Spanish flat mate hung out with a lot of Spanish and Hispanic people, so that I automatically got assimilated into the Spanish-speaking student crowd, of which my husband was part. I didn't speak a word of Spanish then, so we conversed in English. Two things these Spaniards enjoyed tremendously: to party and to eat. My flat-mate organized huge parties and cook-outs at our place and it took me some time to get used to having guests over as early as breakfast time. People came and went, yet certain faces kept showing up more and more often, and my husband's was one of them. It turned out that he was our neighbor in our graduate student apartment complex. After a while, he and his flat-mate started to cook for us as well, and we gladly allowed ourselves to get invited over to their place for some tortilla española or empanadas. This “invite yourself over to your neighbor's place for lunch if your own fridge is empty” became a regular thing between us. What better way to get to know each other than over a big pan of Paella. It was the start of a beautiful friendship, soon to be followed by marriage.

Claudia's Story

My husband and I met on the first day of college, practically the moment we walked in the door. Coincidentally, we were in the same class, and ever since that moment we became great friends, together with a fantastic group of 8 people more. All 10 of us went everywhere together, on trips, etc. for 4 years, and although all of us were really close, he and I always asked each other for advice. I would always tell him to be more "daring" with his dates, and he would always tell me to be less daring with mine!! He was the calm, responsable one; and I was the crazy, outgoing one. So together, we always reached a pretty balanced picture of each situation, and really helped each other a lot. Just before "the magic started", we double dated pretty often, and I even remember helping him decorate his girlfriend's house with 3 dozens of red roses. I recall thinking "Wow, I wish my boyfriend would do this for me!" And I found myself having that thought more and more frequently. Now I know that he was thinking practically the same thing about me!!   One Christmas eve I threw a party at home for this great group of 10 friends, and something in the air felt different... we were both making sure that the other one was having fun, that the other one had a full glass, that the other had eaten enough,... you know, looking after each other!   And that feeling started getting stronger and stronger until... Valentine's Day! Yes, sorry that my story is just so... novel-like and just-too-sweet, but that's exactly how it was! On Valentine's Day we were both studying at my house for an exam. I was really tired, so I took a little nap. And when he came to wake me up... just like sleeping beauty... he did it with a kiss! (Although I promise there was no "beauty" about me, after a month of exams, lots of coffee and very little sleep...).   Anyway, we've been together since and can't think of/don't want to know how life would be without each other!   (Now is when the violins start playing, the curtain falls, and everyone sighs and says: "Ohhhh! How sweet!").   Love is in the air, everyone! So keep your eyes wide open!!

Do you have a story you'd like to share with us about how you met your international spouse? Send stories to: info@biculturalfamily.org with the subject line “How We Met” and we'll post it in April's Mailbag for others to enjoy.

back to Main Newsletter page