Rude Looks and Comments?

Question: I am from Moscow and am committed to speaking to my children in Russian as much as possible wherever we go but I find rude looks or comments I sometimes get in public undermine my self confidence and resolve. What should I do about comments like ?Why don't you learn English lady??

Harriet: Your question brings up a theme common for couples raising bilingual children. Your ?foreign? language frightens people who are already afraid of what they don't know and can't control. When they can't understand you, it reminds them of other things which are out of their control; their own socioeconomic status, terrorism in the world, global warming ? it could be anything. The ruder they are, the more fearful they are.

Try not to take it personally but if you feel personally threatened, remove yourself and your children from the situation as soon as possible. The person threatening you is not acting rationally. This irrational rudeness also reminds you that you are foreign born, and different, even if you have lived in the US for years.

Being bicultural is a rich life but the extra work of living in two worlds can ware on you. Talk to your spouse about strategies to use with your family so that you keep pride and confidence in your language and culture.

Make it a priority to go places like clubs, restaurants, events, religious practice, where speaking your language is appreciated so you and your children get a balance of positive experiences speaking Russian outside your home.

One tip; when someone is looking at you mystified smile and tell people you are Russian and raising your children bilingually. Most people will be impressed, their fear of an ?outsider? goes down and you might even make a friend.

Want to ask Harriet a question? Send your questions for review to Harriet at: harriet@harrietcannon.com.

Disclaimer: The purpose of this column is for advice and education. Due to the volume of mail received, questions may be grouped and answered in a general category. In this column, Harriet Cannon M.C. makes no attempt to enter into a therapeutic relationship with any individual, family or group.

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