Where My Home Is
by Irene Nam
My parents are a first generation Koreans. They immigrated to France soon after they got married in 1975. I was born and grew up in France. I don't think I ever really suffered from being physically different than the other kids. And even though I was the only Asian girl at school until my high school freshman year, I've always been surrounded with total acceptance and true affection from my friends. And I loved visiting my family in Korea, especially my Grandmother and my cousins. As an only child, it was a bond I cherished and glorified as it relieved an indescribable void in my life with nurturing and protecting love.
When I reached 20 though, things began to change dramatically. I began to undergo the side effects of growing up with two cultures and somehow became aware of my duality. The general atmosphere in Seoul was too oppressive; people were busy, irresponsive and rude. In the meantime, as I began to face a certain amount of racism and prejudices, I became more suspicious and critical about the French society. I acknowledged my Korean culture, but didn't embrace it. I loved France but couldn't relate to it. Somehow I had lost my true identity.
Today my sons and I visited the Jardin d'Acclimatation in Paris. After a short walk, we entered the Jardin de Seoul, a small garden where replicas of traditional sculptures, bridges and architecture of Korea are displayed. It was a completely surreal experience. The colors and the shapes intimately talked to me and voiced my ancestors' hopes and ambitions. I could hear them marvel at the miracle I was witnessing. 5000 years after they died, the unique beauty of their culture is acknowledged and celebrated. It released a tremendous sense of legacy. I was breathing two different airs sitting in one place. I was deeply grateful to France. "This garden, this is me" I thought. In a remote place of my heart both cultures can beautifully co-exist. And this is who I am, where my home is.
Irene Nam, the daughter of first born Korean parents, grew up and lives in France. Irene is an avid writer and can be found at Blogging Baby and Gadling, the editor/writer for Les Boutchous and a contributing writer for The Parenting Weblog and The Bilingual/Bicultural Family Network.
© Irene Nam
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