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Ages 11-18: Discussion
Your child is now starting to be old enough to engage in more mature discussions and conversations. He or she has had the time to grow through more difficult stages of identity and can now start to verbalize his or her feelings and perceptions. Don’t pressure your child to have a conversation with you about issues that he or she isn’t ready. But make sure you continue to have discussions and conversations with your child. Don’t assume that now that they are older you shouldn’t try to stay in touch with where they are at. During these ages, our children are starting to become more interested in how they fit into the world and what they can do to be an influence in it. They start to want to have a sense of purpose in the world and since your family is most likely a multicultural family, your child will already have a global perspective and may want to pursue this even more. However, a child growing up with a stronger perspective of a global society might feel completely overwhelmed; the choices seem limitless! Your conversations with your child will let them know that you are interested in their choices and that they can count on you for support, guidance and stability. A bilingual child often has the opportunity to easily continue their education in a country where their second language is spoken. However, one caution is that unless your child has spent extensive time reading and writing on an academic level in their second language, it is possible they will have a very difficult time keeping up with classes in the other country. This is where your insight can be very helpful. Don’t discourage your child from wanting to go to another country for an education but make sure to share the reality with them and help them brainstorm ways that they can improve their reading and writing skills before making any rash decisions. Since your child is realizing the benefit of their second language, you wouldn’t want to discourage them from pursuing ways they can strengthen it yet at the same time you don’t want them to end up overwhelmed when arriving in the other country and can’t keep up academically. Your child may also mention the desire to spend an extended period of time with their grandparents, cousins or aunts and uncles in the other country. This is an excellent indication of your child wanting to get to know his or her extended family more and it should be encouraged. Make sure to think through these plans in detail. Don’t just send your child off to live with your sister unless she is more than willing to have your child living with her and is willing to help keep an eye on him or her. Being seen as a burden is not the way to foster healthy family ties. Since your child is old enough, have your child brainstorm ideas with you and the family as a whole to come up with the best plan. Will your child travel alone to visit extended family? Will all of you go as a family initially and then leave your child to spend time with extended family after that? Who will keep an eye on your child while he or she is in the second country? These are the kinds of questions you will want to make sure to answer long before any formal plans are made. Similar questions should be asked before your child would go to another country for education as well. This is a very exciting age for the bilingual/bicultural child. Having contacts around the world will become more and more exciting for you child as he or she gets older. But also remember that since your child did not grow up in the second country, there will be many obstacles for them to overcome, least of all the subtle (or obvious) differences in culture. Just because we speak a second language growing up doesn’t mean we understand those who grew up in our second culture. There is a great divide that your child will need to bridge and it is very possible that your child will feel confused and disconcerted. Address these possibilities ahead of time and come up with a good plan of action. In the end it will most certainly be the kind of experience that memories are truly made of.
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